Fringe Musings: Commentary

21.8.16

Diary of a Lazy Graduate Student: Part 1

As it turns out, I really hate to work. I didn’t grow up thinking I’d be lazy, but then I really should have; all the telltale signs were there. I very easily abandon unfinished tasks without so much as a shred of guilt, all the while reminding myself that I am perfectly capable of finishing said tasks and am simply choosing not to out of some sort of obligation to a new, more important, undertaking. During my undergraduate degree I switched majors several times, in the end returning to my original venture as it turned out to be the one easiest to finish in the shortest amount of time. And because I was too imperceptive to realize my own personal shortcomings, I found myself in a postgraduate degree where hard work is a fundamental requirement. It is true that for the first year or two into my doctoral degree I drifted along without the threat of impending degree requirements, trying out various dead end ideas and dropping them when I realized that they weren’t going to work out immediately; but several years in and the reality of going over time looming over me like a dark, rain-swollen cloud had me going insane. “This just isn’t for me,” I would tell anyone who was suckered into listening, “it’s not that I can’t do it, it just isn’t going to help me get to where I want to go”. “And what is it that you want to do?” some of the more astute listeners would ask me; to which I would respond with a shrug and a knowing smile as if I’ve got it figured out. And so here I am, faced with the biggest dilemma I’ve reached yet: do I quit the most elaborate, expensive, time consuming “project” I’ve started to date? Or do I actually finish something for once?

I’ve been told that every Ph.D. student stumbles across this question at some point in his or her degree. This doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve been told that a steep, spiraling descent towards depression is normal at this stage; and while this may ease the pain for a brief moment, it certainly doesn’t make me any happier. I’ve been told that regardless of what I choose to do with the rest of my life a doctorate will be an ‘asset’ in the real world as it “demonstrates a series of important skills and a good work ethic”. To these people I force out a laugh and say that it merely demonstrates my poor decision making skills. This is where I find myself. Every morning waking up wondering what would happen if I just said “Fuck It” now. I imagine myself dramatically sweeping all the unread papers from my desk in a blockbuster-worthy performance, and walking out amongst the falling papers with a knowing smile on my face that implies I know I’m going to great things with my life despite my failed Ph.D. But let’s be real, we both know I’m not going to do that. First of all, I would almost certainly get a paper cut with all my dramatic paper throwing and whatnot, and what’s more, the incredible shame associated with quitting a degree like this four year in is enough to keep me treading water in this shit swamp for at least a little bit longer.

So now the real question is: why write this? That’s a great question, dear reader (notice the singular). I have no advice for similarly struggling students; no words of wisdom for how to cope with failure; no consolation for my fellow lazy adults who want to hear that we too can succeed (with minimal effort of course). My best answer is that I started writing it, and I wanted, for once in my life, to actually finish something.

26.2.16

To America With Love: American Politics Through the Eyes of a Canadian

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not, and have never been, a political science major. I’m not even one of those people who’s “always been interested in politics”; I’ll shamefully admit that I’ve had to Google ‘libertarianism’ more times than I’m proud of. They say you should write what you know, so I guess things are really going off the rails here. Despite all of these, very good, reasons for why I probably should NOT be writing this; here we are.

First of all, if you are Canadian watching American political debates for the first time, get ready because it’s fucking wild. This is not going to be three relaxing hours of Mulcair’s seemingly Valium-induced smiles at the camera (I maintain that this is what cost him the damn election). It’s not even going to peak with some older men talking over each other in slightly elevated voices, trying to talk about key issues (I know, could it get any worse?!). Seriously, buckle up, because unless you are from Alberta, this is quite literally your first rodeo and you’re about to be thrown off that bucking bronco in the most violent, exhilarating ride of your life. Maybe that’s an oversell.

To an outsider, our prime ministerial debates largely consist of friendly-looking middle-aged people saying things like ‘Sir, I’m sorry, but you are wrong’ and similarly damaging insults. As Canadians, we know that beneath those harsh looks and gentle hand waving, there are very real issues that candidates differ on. This past election saw some truly exciting political action; being the longest in Canadian history - a whopping 78 days, a colossal waste of money – we had ample opportunities for embarrassing missteps and expensive (I’m looking at you, Conservatives) attack ads. And quite honestly, for me, this was quite enough drama. Though exciting, I take it as a good sign that we have not become a nation so divided that the major political parties have to differ so dramatically that half of the country’s population feels entirely unrepresented (I know that many people feel this way, but I assure you, by American standards things are just peachy). We need only to look to our southern neighbours to see the effects of this alienating, divisive brand of politics, that quite honestly, we inched closer to in our last election. Fortunately for many of us, we overwhelmingly chose the progressive option (if we consider Liberal and NDP to be the major progressive options), definitively denouncing the very thing that America is still entertaining. And really, most importantly, Canadians have the good sense to ensure that the election is finished before the hockey season really gets going, and we simply cannot concentrate on anything as silly as politics.

Now, I have no desire (that’s not true, I very much have the desire, but in this case I will bite my virtual tongue) to weigh in on who I would vote for in the election, much less the primaries, but as a concerned outsider looking in I sincerely hope that citizens are not being fooled by petty name-calling and ridiculous personal attacks. Creating a political campaign based on fear, racism, and hate should NOT be entertained, even if there are (few) sound ideas buried in the platform. It is quite frankly disgusting, and wholly alienates a large portion of law-abiding, hard-working citizens. Unfortunately, voting is harder than ever for this population thanks to measures put in place to prevent non-existent voter fraud. This is where, short of simply changing the rules that target the most vulnerable, making sure people are aware of any changes and requirements becomes all the more important, especially long before election day.

So please, dear neighbours – or ‘neighbors’ if you, like Microsoft Word, do not recognize Canadian spelling – we (mostly) love you, and don’t want to see you go down this road. I, and the majority of my fellow countrymen/women, hope that you make the choice to denounce these politics of fear and racism, become informed, and help to inform those who might not have access to the appropriate resources. There is still time.

And finally, in true Canadian fashion, I’d like to preemptively apologize to anyone who might be offended by my opinions here, and I’ll leave you with this as consolation:

29.1.16

Our Collective Loss of Academic Integrity

Academic integrity is important. Obviously. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who would argue otherwise. Unfortunately, our collective loss of academic integrity is ever-growing and more commonplace than you might expect. Let me explain. Whether it is intentional or not, a lack of academic integrity is overlooked by your peers, teaching assistants, and even professors everyday. I’m not talking about forgetting to reference something in your report or essay. This, albeit careless and erroneous, is not an act of moral negligence in my opinion. The academic integrity I’m concerned with is the overall loss of interest in learning and knowledge in general that evidently compels students to commit mild (or not so mild) forms of academic dishonesty.

The truth is that the majority of students don’t want to be in school. Whatever external force is driving them to seek out an undergraduate education, it isn’t enough to make students WANT to learn. Most students have become so focused on the end result – the mark, the degree, the job – that they seem to have lost the desire to learn something they are interested in, independent of what they might gain from it.

Unfortunately, this sentiment likely sounds familiar to most of us. This attitude is, sadly, mirrored at the level of top scientific researchers, where the intense competition between coworkers over publication number and the impact factor of those publications breeds animosity and in some cases, even leads to questionable research practices. It is entirely about receiving sufficient funding, which only comes with publications, which only come with doing science that ‘works’. Do you see what I’m getting at here? The same problems that plague our whiny, mark-grubbing undergraduate students are also affecting the very professors that complain about them.

The sad truth is that with the dwindling job opportunities for researchers finding themselves in areas of “unpopular” science, it’s no wonder that students, even at the undergraduate level, are focusing their energy on getting a leg up on everyone around them. What good is it to learn about something interesting that ultimately will not be profitable when you are putting yourself in debt to do it? For most of us, this isn’t a financially sound option; how can we blame anyone who is ultimately going to need a career from which they can support themselves? Unfortunately, there is no obvious remedy. There will likely never be a turn of events where professors, and ultimately students, can be free to explore science and seek knowledge about something that they actually care about, barring a massive influx of funding for fundamental research of course. The real shame is that the best, most innovative ideas often come from people who are just exploring a field of research that they love, and without allowing the next generation of students to do that, I honestly don’t know where we’ll be left in 50 years.

13.12.15

Fringe Musings

Diary of a Lazy Graduate Student: Part 1

To America With Love: American Politics Through the Eyes of a Canadian

Our Collective Loss of Academic Integrity

Overcoming Chemophobia-Phobia